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Test Drive Meme 004
Test Drive Meme 004
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Cruising Through Trouble



At the stroke of midnight on the first day of July, just as it had begun.... The rains have stopped. The fog has cleared. The forced nightmares, the aches and pains, the paranoia, and the pressure that sat like a weight in your lungs and chest have all... ceased.
For a moment, the whole of Iyashikei seems to hold its breath, waiting to see if something is going to follow, if there is somehow yet another shoe waiting to drop... but... no. No, there is nothing that follows. The sky becomes clear. Rainbows streak across the sky every day. Heat rolls in with the summer season, helping dry up at least some of the water.
Iyahsikei is a flooded mess, from the Outer Rim to the Main Hub. Animals have escaped their pens, felled trees and leaves are blocking already burdened sewer drains. Those who went to the schools for shelter still need care. While restaurants and hotels are happily taking in anyone to feed for free or in need of a hot shower or bath, all of Iyashikei is here to help while everyone is getting back on their feet, but it doesn't change that serious damage has been done. Some people are falling asleep where they stand, finall free of the nightmares.
Now, more than ever, it's time to practice helping others. There will be teams created to do various jobs:
But even with all the effort everyone is putting in, it doesn't seem to be making a dent in the problem, and people are just exhausted after such a horrendous month.
The Council has no idea why the rainy season was as bad as it was. Not only does there need to be an investigation, but there needs to be a much more thorough clean-up, reconstruction of various homes, sewers, and buildings, and most of all, they need to make sure nothing like that happens again! To do THAT, they need to get everyone somewhere safe, somewhere people can relax and recuperate, and out of the way of all the magic and science about to happen.
Which is why all of Iyashikei is going to be evacuated. No exceptions, no excuses.
Of course, even evacuation is a bit different in Iyashikei. You and all of the Iyashikei denizens are being put on a luxury cruise liner to get to your destination.
No, you don't have a choice, even as a new arrival. Paperwork will have to wait, new arrival! Everyone will be ushered out of the city and the Farmlands. As you head towards the elevated docks on the edge of the Main Hub, you may start seeing some brooms with arms walking around Iyashikei with buckets, dustpans, and other clean-up and construction supplies. The especially keen may hear distant music coming from City Hall. The brooms can enter all the flooded areas without any issue, carrying out whatever task is asked of them.
As for the luxury cruise liner? After a quick safety drill about life jackets and muster stations, you can start enjoying a three-day cruise across calm waters!
There are all-you-can-eat buffets, fine dining for breakfast, lunch and dinner, trivia games, BINGO with prizes, dancing at the discos (or panicking, if you prefer), karaoke nights, line-dancing, pools to lounge in or by, spas where you can get massages or mud baths, or maybe you want to sit inside at a jazz bar and watch the water go by the windows while Iyashikei becomes smaller and smaller on the horizon. Those who may need medical attention will be attended to by the cruise ship's medical team.
There's just... one thing.
You see, with the need to get everyone safely out of the city, everyone is going to need to have a cabin-mate! The cruise ship IS huge, but so is Iyashikei's population. No private rooms here. You will be assigned a cabin and a random cabin-mate. Only married couples or those with a dependent get to share the same cabin. It's sure to be okay. Besides, it's only three days! Who can't get along for three days!? If there's REALLY an issue, you can always go to the guest services desk and they will re-room you with someone else.
Rites of Fire



Just where is the cruise ship taking you, anyway?
The ship will dock at a beautiful and lush volcanic tropical island. If you've ever wondered where the majority of the tropical fruit, chilis, and more exotic foods come from, then here is your answer. The air is warm, the sun is shining bright, and you will be shown to a cabin out on the water (all of them have modern plumbing) where you will be staying until the Council can figure out what is going on back in the Main Hub and Outer Rim. This time, there ARE private cabins for those in need of them, but you CAN expect roommates... again. At least this time you get to pick your roommate!
Welcome to Kai Island!
Home to a volcano goddess and her people. She heard of the storm that hit Iyashikei, and in the spirit of hospitality and helping, she has opened up her island for everyone to restore their health and revitalize their spirit.
Kai Island follows the same rules and ideas as Iyashikei does; people are here to help one another. You will be asked to do the same if you are able. You may be asked to help clean up the beaches and reefs, help out at local stores or the island hospital, especially with such a GIANT population burst coming in, helping with the local wildlife, or helping gather fruit and other tropical crops for the masses, or cooking them for the nightly Fire Rites!
But the locals also want you to relax and rejuvenate, especially after such a harrowing time you've endured.
There are all sorts of activities for you to try out. For the more adventurous, there is: kayaking, canoeing, hiking trails among all the flora to hidden waterfalls, snorkeling, surfing along the waves, horseback riding, tubing along rivers and in lagoons, exploring hidden caves along the shores, and ziplining among the trees. Just like in Iyashikei's forest and desert, Rangers are there to help guide, rescue, or educate those who might need it.
For those seeking more relaxation, there always seems to be a hammock somewhere nearby on the beach; you can grab a fruity drink to help beat the heat, partake in some yoga and meditation by the waves, enjoy the cafes and restaurants, or you can visit the community center to learn about the Kaian people and their goddess.
New arrivals will arrive in the temporary Welcome Chamber... er... Cave. There's still the Welcome Committee there to greet you, but you won't be able to fill out paperwork to return home until the ship takes all of you back to the actual Main Hub. There is no Council member you can talk to right now, either. They're all dealing with, well, everything going on in the Main Hub and Outer Rim. But do not fear! You are under the volcano goddess's protection while you are here as her guests.
Although that DOES mean you will be expected, just as the Kaian people are, to honor the volcano goddess for the bounty she provides to this island.
How, you may ask?
The volcano goddess loves a good show! After the sun sets, you will see all the locals head towards the beaches to gather in groups around bonfires and hold their nightly Fire Rites! There's lots of food served at these, so you're welcome to bring a dish to share or to sample something you've never tried before. Careful, this food tends towards spicy and flavorful.
The Fire Rites take all shapes and forms, however, the most common type of performance is people who dance with fire in some form or fashion. They twirl it, play with it, and dance with it. However, if you're worried about being singed, don't worry, it isn't just physical fire, there is the fire in the soul as well! Be it a poem of your own making, a song, a dance, a staged duel, or any sort of performance to show the fiery passion in your heart, will be more than enough for the volcano goddess to be appeased. And you will be expected to perform at some point during your stay.
The longer you hold off on performing, you will start to notice a tattoo forming on your palms, starting as an ember, and after every missed chance to perform, the ember grows into a flame, then it grows from your palms onto your hands. Another missed performance? And the fiery tattoo will crawl up your arms. The brighter and bigger the fire tattoo, the more and more compelled you will feel to perform until you give in to the Fire Rites.
Of course, if you need help, the Kaian locals are happy to give you a Starborn fruit. The Starborn fruit looks identical in almost every way to a Star fruit except that, at night, it glows. Should you bite into a Starborn Fruit, you will find that you begin singing about every strong emotion you feel, and nothing can stop you until the song is done or the feeling passes. Also, they're all over the island. Don't worry, the effects of a Starborn fruit are only for 24 hours unless you eat it every day.
Down Where It's Wetter


As your stay on Kai Island continues, more often than not, when you look out into the water, you may notice some very... VERY large fish tails breaching and then dipping back into the waves. Maybe during the day, you notice some people way out past the surf just bobbing along in the water.
Or maybe you're just a very forthright person and ask a Kaian local about it, and what is going on.
As it happens, there is a cenote on the island with a crystal clear pool inside it. Getting there is not exactly easy, but it's possible to get there after a few hours. You will need to go on quite a hike into the center of the island, past waterfalls and along steep stairs. Getting there by yourself is impossible, so a local will need to guide you. There's no reason to try and be sneaky about it, though; the Kaian are happy to share this aspect of their culture. So long as you're respectful to the cenote, the Kaian's will take anyone who wants to go. Once you get there, if you completely douse yourself in the water, then you'll get to enjoy a rather amazing bit of magic.
The water gathered there in that cenote will turn you into a merperson!
Now, after completely dousing yourself from head to toe, any time your feet are completely submerged in water up to your ankles, you will transform. The downside to the transformation is that you will end up with either one or all three side effects: having a tendency to hoard something, a love for singing out loud whenever the mood strikes you, or a sudden disinterest in other people's personal space by grabbing, holding onto, or hugging whomever is nearby.
The magic of the water will last for as long as you live on the island. If you're thinking you'll just swim back to Iyashikei, the magic fades away after five miles out from the island's coast.
Those Re-Quests to clean up the sea floor suddenly make a LOT more sense.
A Kindly Curious Question
There are several little beeps, or depending on whether you've begun customizing it, maybe a little song instead starts to play on your Glimmer. A little envelope notification appears and does a little wiggle. Should you open this, a cute little message appears:
Hello hello Iyashikei!
This is the monthly Kindness Curious Question (K.C.Q.)! What are your FAVORITE ways to relax? Answer honestly to get your sticker!
Answer honestly on the Glimmer and you'll get your K.C.Q. Digital Sticker! It will immediately go into your K.C.Q. digital sticker album folder on your Glimmer.
What's the point, you might ask? Well, when you open that sticker and press on it, the little sticker will prevent you from getting sunburnt!
Fire Rites
If it'sss a show you want...
Her eyes almost pop out of their icing. Is she... hearing what she thinks she's hearing? Or is that the drink talking?
...it'sss a show you'll get!!
Who is she kidding? Out of everyone in Earthbread - out of all the dragons - there's only one with that arrogance, that gleeful showmanship, that desire to prove they are the strongest! It can only be...!
Behold the power of the Legendary Red Dragon!!!
Now she finds herself racing through the legs of all the taller people, her face a mix of delight and relief. Happy as she is to see someone from her world, that happiness is increased tenfold by this specific presence. Where others would run in the opposite direction of those flames, she runs towards them, joyous laugh escaping her throat.
With the castle's completion, she makes it to the front of the crowd, and she shouts at the top of her lungs, hoping to be heard above all the cheers and applause. ]
PITAYA DRAGON COOKIE!
no subject
There's no one so bold, so boisterous, and so little as another Cookie he knows all too well. With his head jerking up in recognition, like a dog spotting its master, the corgi-sized dragon spreads its wings and goes into yet another deep dive, mouth wide in a large and toothy grin. He's uh...picking up some speed, with no clear signs of slowing down, or changing trajectory, either. Or changing back (yet).
Brace for impact, puny cookie. ♥]
no subject
Even if he is the size of a small dog, those nearby are starting to flee or give space - even tiny things can hurt when thrown fast and hard enough!
But when has Hollyberry ever shown that kind of cowardice? She grins, and rolls her shoulders... she sets a foot back, to help keep a firm stance in the sand... then she holds out her hands, ready to take on the full brunt of the impact! She would expect nothing less from him! BRING IT ON! ]
HAHAHAHAHAHA~!
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And yet, the reason why they did it because they know she can take it. The cowering crowd of fleeing people doesn't even catch Pitaya's attention, all their focus on the little cookie STANCING UP as he comes in hot. Excellent, he expects no less of the only person to ever really best him in combat. The grin on those leathery lips only widens, showing off that row of sharp, curved teeth, and as he does indeed impact with the cookie, it's like impacting a fucking brick wall.
Hollyberry may be pushed back into the sand a little bit, but said sand actually helps in this scenario. It cushions a lot of the brunt she may have taken from a collision like that, though the cloud of grainy pebbles might hurt a little bit on her dough... Still, it's nothing she can't endure. With her hands planted firmly on his snout, Pitaya Dragon Cookie snorts, then rumbles a deep laugh as his tail swishes back and forth. T-Totally not wagging, shut up!! IT'S NOT LIKE THEY'RE HAPPY TO SEE YOU, B-BAKA!!1]
Hoho, your reflexessss are as good as ever, Hollyberry Cookie.
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They who have toppled mountains, they who have sent Cookies fleeing in fear, they who have claimed the magma and flames as their territory...
And turns her grip into a hug. ]
Hahahaha! Did you expect any less from me, Pitaya Dragon Cookie? Had I known you joined me in this realm, I would have come to you sooner! When did you arrive, you large scaley troublemaker?
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They don't hug back, mostly because it'd be impossible in this form, but also...what is affection, can you eat it?? After a moment, they do revert back to their Cookie form, huffing a loud laugh.]
Anything lesss and I would have ssswallowed you whole!! HAHAHAHA! I arrived here sssome time ago, and have been aboard the leviathan [The cruise ship.] for ssseveral daysss. The sheer sssize mussst have made it ssso we could not meet ssssooner.
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Is that so? And you must have been behaving, as I only heard you now... and to come to this world, did you agree to help this world out? That's awfully generous of you.
[ And rather suspicious, she's gotta admit, hence the asking. ]
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And oh, oh, that scoff is practically a snort. As "nice" as Pitaya can be sometimes, it's still rare that the dragon do a so-called "good" deed out of the goodness of their heart, it's just not in the nature of any dragon. They are fickle, capricious creatures, and Pitaya is probably...the outlier, having learned enough about Cookie dos and don'ts from Hollyberry herself. Their paper-thin kindness is usually reserved only for her and others they've deemed worthy of it.]
Oh, please, Hollyberry! You should know me well enough to underssstand I only agreed to come here because I assumed you and SSSnapdragon Cookie were taken as well. [Those others? Meh, they're probably fine. Somewhere. Pitaya's not concerned for their wellbeing as much as the two aforementioned.] Where isss the little rassscal, anyhow?
no subject
Her shoulders sink, hating to be the bearer of bad news. Still, she isn't one to shy away from the truth, either - delaying it will only hurt them both. So she lets out a sad little sigh. ]
I'm afraid unless that little bundle of scales has hidden themselves very well, they're not here... I haven't seen any Cookies since my first day here months ago.
[
Shadow Milk Cookie on the TDM doesn't count because he's a poopy-head.]no subject
But boy is his tail whipping back and forth like an angry cat about to lash out, and when Pitaya exhales, it's with a plume of smoke. They ANGY. Dragons are not communal creatures, in adulthood they actually can't fucking stand each other even on a good day, but a hatchling is another story...sometimes. It really depends on the dragon, but Pitaya is attached to Snapdragon as much as they are to Hollyberry. Dragons love to hoard treasure, after all, and who are the most priceless pieces of Pitaya's little collection?
Well, it's pretty obvious. Anyway--]
I see. ...Perhapsss it would be wise to discusss this matter elsssewhere, hm?
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But yeah best to hit the bricks because Pitaya is also a dangerous bastard and the people here don't deserve to fry for that. She nods and begins to walk, expecting them to follow. ]
Come. There should be solitude further down the shore, and they'll be too distracted by the fire rituals to notice us missing.
no subject
What once was a truce, a deal, is now a pact with themself only...for as long as their treasure shines.]
Mm.
[It's a noncommittal grunt of acknowledgement, but Pitaya does indeed follow after Hollyberry, their tail still swishing with mild agitation, but less so than before. If she has an explanation, it better be a good one...]
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Make no mistake... I am glad to see you, Pitaya Dragon Cookie. But I am equally surprised to see you... but you didn't appear to be so shocked. As if you expected I'd be here, and with Snapdragon Cookie... why is that? What happened before you came here?
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Broken from their musing, Pitaya tilts their head to one side in confusion, one eyebrow lifted up. Surprised to see them? Why?]
Hollyberry Cookie, it wasss only mere minutesss when I sssaw you lassst. I--...we overcame the falssse dragon, I regained more of my powersss and ssstrength, and we were discusssing what to do next!! I assumed you and SSSnapdragon Cookie were here because where elssse would you be? But you make it sssound as if thisss isss not the cassse... Explain.
Where isss my little one? And why are you surprisssed to sssee me?
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Whatever the case, she has a bad feeling Pitaya paid even less attention to what they were agreeing to... She can only hope she can temper their anger enough so they don't hurt anyone. ]
... Pitaya Dragon Cookie... That deadly battle with the imposter dragon... for me, that was months ago. Dark Enchantress Cookie had released a new evil as part of her wicked plans, so I had set off to Beast-Yeast in order to help stop them before it got worse. But defeating that evil isn't enough... it must be sealed up again, but nobody knew how. That's why I came to this world, to see if I could find a way that has worked in other worlds.
I'm still searching for those answers... I've been here for many months. And during that time, I am the only Cookie... the only being from Earthbread, that has ever been here. Until we see otherwise... it's just you and me here.
1/2
Blinking rapidly, the dragon cookie stares at his companion in befuddlement. That's not--what...months? How?! Pitaya just saw her! She was right THERE!! Hollyberry, Snapdragon, and even those others as well...they were all there!!]
I-Im...posssible! You were with me jussst mere momentsss ago!! I sssaw you!! You and I, we--
2/2
They are alone here. They are alone here.
Meaning that a piece is missing, and for a dragon that is unacceptable.
The growl that rumbles in their throat is deep and low, the sounds before a volcano erupts, and when Pitaya does speak again, embers lick the air as they hold themselves back so, so desperately. They would never truly harm Hollyberry, they both know this, but that doesn't mean Pitaya would not attack her, they are not that tame. A stumble back, then a long stride forward, voice distorting as they slip slightly into Dragontongue.]
THEN WHERE IS MY CHILD?!
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This had been another reason why she made sure they were so far away from others on the beach - no need for innocents to get injured in the flames of anger. If she gets hurt? No big deal. She's handled their heat before, and has always been willing to take the damage that could have hurt others.
Is there a chance she can cool those flames before they become an unstoppable wildfire? It's no guarantee, but she has to try. ]
Pitaya Dragon Cookie! Calm down!
[ She reaches over to firmly grasp their shoulders, and she doesn't even have to translate Dragontongue to know what they are snarling about. ]
It won't help yourself or Snapdragon Cookie if you give in to your rage like this! You have to think clearly! I would never have agreed to help them if I ever thought they'd keep me away from my family forever!
[ Thank goodness that before she came here, Pure Vanilla Cookie wrote to her of his "battle" with Shadow Milk Cookie... time travel was still a confusing concept to grasp, but if what happened there could be applied elsewhere...? ]
Snapdragon Cookie is exactly where you last left him - and will stay there, unharmed and safe! All of Earthbread must be... frozen in time, until we return to where we're supposed to be!
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When he finally, finally gets the answer he seeks, Pitaya is a mishmash of Cookie and dragon - an amalgamate of the two beings as they forced their transformation to stall. Hear her out. It's her, she would not endanger the little one, she would not take something that is theirs and put it in harm's way, she wouldn't--
Time? Frozen in time? As ludicrous as it sounds, Pitaya is old enough, has live countless eons to know that it is not impossible. Even time itself is malleable in the right hands, and with the right magic. Still...]
Are you sure?
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So all she can rely is... what she's always relied on. Her faith in others. Her love for all. Her passion for protection. So she believes Snapdragon is protected - and now she must protect Pitaya too. Protect them from pain, from loss, from losing themself to his rage.
Which is why she can answer with conviction - ]
Yes. I am sure. I believe it with every crumb of my body. I would never lie to you - I would never guide you if I didn't believe in the path I was forging.
Now... calm... DOWN!
[ She reels her head back, then slams it forward into theirs. Given their mid-transformation, it's very likely they've brought out their scale-armor, including their helmet, so it's possible the action hurt her way more than it hurt them. But that wasn't the point. They understand actions more than words - a brawl has always won them more than a debate.]
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For a moment, Pitaya's guard breaks, because they do trust Hollyberry's word. Even against the unease, the anger, the fear they have that the little newborn, Snapdragon Cookie, is in a position where they need Pitaya's aid and guidance, the red dragon still trusts Hollyberry's word. Because it's true...she's never lied to them before, and she wouldn't do so now, after all they've been through, after all they've done... They are soul bound, in the most literal sense, so they can feel that Hollyberry speaks her truth. And their trust in her forces that lapse in their guard - just enough time for Hollyberry to smash her head against theirs. The crunch probably hurts Hollyberry more than Pitaya, but he still feels that pain nevertheless.
Never let it go unsaid that the Queen Mother isn't hardheaded enough to butt with a dragon.]
RRRGH--?!
[They reel back, flinching, and the transformation again breaks, the horns and scales shimmering before they fade, but Pitaya is a fighter and warrior, a momentary stumble isn't going to take him down that easily. They flex am arm and reach to swipe at Hollyberry's face, to grasp and hold, perhaps push her down into the sand just so they can feel like they have some sort of control over something. Anything.]
You asssk thisss of me?! After leaving my kin, a fresh hatchling, alone?! No....worssse than alone. WITH A MURDERER, AN IMBECILE, AND YOUR BABYSSSITTER!! SSSo help me, Hollyberry, if even one ssscale is out of place when we return...
[Their hand trembles. Then their voice. Then all of them.]
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The majority of their brawls has always been, from Pitaya's view, for the glory of it. For thrill, for entertainment, for pride. But now they are filled with genuine rage and (Hollyberry knows Pitaya will never admit it) genuine fear. It's a hot blend she's all too familiar with, but this is the first time she's ever felt it come from the dragon. They have opened their heart at a deadly cost.
The power and heat radiating off of Pitaya is enough to make some of Hollyberry's hair come undone, splaying it across the sands as sweat builds up in her dress. Pitaya might even be cutting through her dough - can she smell some of her jam leaking? But not once does she let panic overtake her. What good would that do?
Instead, she reaches for the hand on her face... and moves it to her neck.
Look we know Cookies don't really have necks sometimes just work with it for drama's sake.]If any of my words... any of my actions... ever lead to Snapdragon Cookie's suffering... I would accept any punishment you deem to give. I would welcome it. That young one means the world to you... and so they've come to mean so very much to me too.
If I can't even protect one innocent child... then my life taking up the shield will have been for naught.
[ Much as she'd love to defend the trio Pitaya just insulted, she knows that's not going to work with them. They only trust her - so that's how she has to work. To remind them of why they trust her in the first place.
... Though if he holds onto her for longer than necessary, Pitaya is absolutely going to get smacked in the face with her shield. ]
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Fear, yes. Pitaya wouldn't admit it, but they are definitely afraid. After all they've been through just moments ago, for them anyway - the fear of losing their power, the fear of losing their life, the fear of now having to care for a hatchling who they've bonded with, the fear that strong Cookies can lie and cheat even them. They are now the wisest among their species, doing things sporadically and recklessly, but Pitaya is not stupid. They are still clever, and have eons of wisdom and experience on their side, but that one interaction, that one betrayal of a deal spoken in their native tongue... It's taken root.
Who else will lie to them? Who else will betray they trust? Who else will twist, and bend, and break the bonds they have forged? They are choosing to believe Hollyberry would not, they know her, and deep down they trust her with every fiber of their being, but... They way their hand grips her throat almost automatically when moved to it speaks volumes. They loosen another moment later, like a reflex of being burned themselves, but do not release just yet. The silence that lingers in the air is heavy, hot, and thick, but after glaring down at Hollyberry, Pitaya finally removes their hand from her throat and brushes gently at her cheek where a bit of jam leaks from a shallow cut.]
...Your Cookie promisesss mean nothing to me.
[But they've already bound themselves to Hollyberry, and making another real promise, a real deal, is out of the question. They just have to take her word, and that's so...so difficult. When every instinct is screaming not to. Eventually though, with a droop of their head because even if they did destroy Hollyberry here and now, it would fix and change nothing, Pitaya slides off of her and stands up, spreading their wings.]
It wasss good to sssee you here, Hollyberry Cookie. [But oh man. They really, really need to not see you right now. At least for a few hours.]
no subject
Pitaya can be a jerk, and that's putting it lightly - a part of her will always be angry that they attacked her kingdom and frightened her people for little more than an attempt to alleviate their boredom - but even she doesn't feel they deserve the internal torment going onside inside of them. Had this gone on any longer, she might have reached up to touch their cheek in an attempt to show comfort.
But they release her, and back off. She stands up, brushing sand off her dress, understanding what's to come when their wings come out.
She's been asking them to trust her, and now she'll have to trust them - trust them to be wise with their pain, not to attack others in an attempt to share it or make it weaken. She takes a breath, and even if they can't see it, she nods in understanding. ]
... And it was good to see you, Pitaya Dragon Cookie. Whenever you're ready, I will be here to talk... to drink... to fight.
[ Ultimately, to just be there for them. ]
wrapped...sob...
Far, far away from little Cookies, and even those giants. Far away from everything that could bear witness to a dragon's anguish, and also their anger.
They don't respond, don't look back, their silence heavy as knees flex and the leather of their wings stretches and gives a powerful flap when they kick off. Higher, faster, farther. Away from this island, away from the people, away from Hollyberry, away from the truth... Just away. They won't come back until Hollyberry has gone to whatever lodging they have provided for her, and even after it will be difficult to find them again. They will fly until they've worn themselves out, breathed flame into the sky until their throat aches, and clawed and bit at rocks or thick palm trunks until they can taste their own jam in their mouth.
They came here feeling so victorious, so strong after defeating that false dragon and breaking the faux pact of their past. They were supposed to celebrate, so why...why does it feel like they've lost? Why do they feel so small, so defeated, so weak?]